


Total System Override

by Salmagundi



Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: Bisexuality, Dinesh and Gilfoyle entertain themselves by betting on their coworkers sex lives, Erlich has no tact, Erlich owns shares in Grindr, Friends to Lovers, Indecent proposals, Jealousy, M/M, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, sexual fantasies, these guys are idiots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-05
Updated: 2017-05-05
Packaged: 2018-10-28 06:17:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10825494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Salmagundi/pseuds/Salmagundi
Summary: Everyone can spot the sexual tension between Richard and Erlich.  Everyone except for Richard, that is.  How is he always the last person to find out about these things?





	Total System Override

**Author's Note:**

> Beta-read for me by the awesome mintywrites. Thanks so much!

 

"We need to talk, Richard."

 

"Talk?  A-about what?" Richard was preoccupied trying to find an error in the code he was working on and Erlich's usual antics weren't helping.  "Look, can this wait."

 

"No, Richard." Erlich intoned, almost ominously.  "It can't wait.  This is important."  He glanced toward Dinesh and Gilfoyle who were still worked but were probably also listening too.  "Meet me outside in a couple of minutes."  Without waiting to see if Richard was going to even agree to this clandestine meeting, Erlich strode toward the door in a distinctly unsubtle fashion.

 

Well, at least Erlich was out of the room.  And really, Richard didn't need to go talk to him.  He was awfully busy.  He ducked his head down a bit over his laptop to demonstrate how busy he was.

 

"So."  Dinesh's voice was deliberately casual.  "Secret meeting?"  He never looked up from his monitor.  "That sounds interesting."

 

Richard sighed, reaching up to pinch at the bridge of his nose. "No, Dinesh.  It's really not."

 

"Or is it?"  Gilfoyle wasn't even facing them.  "You realize your denial is suspicious.  Who knows what we could be missing out on."  His voice was so completely deadpan that Richard couldn't be sure if he was being sarcastic or not.

 

"Just.  It's just Erlich being Erlich, okay?  It's not a big deal.  A-and I'm not even going out there, so it's not a secret meeting.  You can't have a secret meeting with just one person."

 

"Maybe _you_ can't." Gilfoyle said, but he didn't press the point.

 

"So."  Dinesh's fingers tapped against the table.  "You're saying there is no secret meeting?"

 

"No secret meeting."

 

"Okay then."  

 

The sound of typing resumed and Richard relaxed into his chair.  He put his headphones back on, his lips pinched as he went back to reviewing the most recent lines of code, trying to spot the problem that had been plaguing him for the last forty minutes.  

 

"Richard?" He almost jumped out of his chair at the feeling of a hand bumping his shoulder, his head jerked around, headphones sliding down a bit around his ears.

 

"Jared!" It took him a moment to catch his breath, his brief alarm melting into confusion.  "What's going on."

 

"Sorry to bother you Richard," Jared's tone was soft, with that hint of worry.  "But Erlich is in the yard.  I think he's waiting for you."

 

It was all too much.  Richard leaned back in his seat and let out a soft laugh, shaking his head.  "Oh.  O-okay.  I'll bite."  He set his laptop aside, talking a bit louder.  "So I'm having this secret meeting." He stood up, hands raised a bit as he took a step backward so he could still look at the three of them.  Only Jared was looking back.  "But you know it isn't a 'secret meeting' if everyone knows about it.  So it's not a _secret_ meeting. _Aha!_ "  He made a gesture with his hands to match up with the word 'aha', like a magician revealing a particularly clever trick.  Even though they still weren't looking at him.  Well, they didn't have to look for him to be right...

 

As he took another step back, his leg caught the corner of the chair with a loud thump and he hissed, almost falling over.  Red came into his cheeks as he realized his dramatic exit had been ruined.

 

"Are you okay Richard?" Jared was moving toward him and Richard raised both hands to prevent his fretting.

 

"I'm fine.  Just going to this meeting thing.  Secret meeting thing."  He gave a cough as he awkwardly shuffled toward the door.

 

"Okay." Jared's voice followed him as he stepped out the door.  "Have fun."

 

-

 

"What are we doing, Richard?"

 

There was no preamble.  Richard had barely set foot near the pool, to find Erlich standing there, hands folded behind his back and staring over the water, looking ridiculous and solemn in his stupid Steve Jobs turtleneck.  Whatever the subject of this secret meeting was, Richard still had no clue.

 

"What do you mean?" Richard shuffled in place, fingers twitching with the need to get back to his work.

 

"I mean this whole thing.  Us.  It has to stop, Richard."

 

The words drew him up short, surprise flashing across his face.  Wait.  What?  Was Erlich trying to kick them out?  Had he lost faith in Pied Piper?  That made no sense.  Erlich had the most shares aside from anyone but Richard.  How could he just decide to stop now?  "But... You were the one who said-"

 

"I say a lot of things, Richard." Erlich let out a dramatic sigh before turning to face him.  "This has been a long time coming.  I think we should just get this over with."

 

Oh god.  He was actually serious.  Richard wasn't sure what could have happened to spook Erlich on the company, but even more than that, he wasn't sure what he'd do if he actually had to talk to people to sell them on the idea of the company without Erlich being involved.  He had no skill in bullshitting or being anything other than an engineer.

 

He wasn't the big picture guy.

 

"It makes no sense!  Pied Piper is just getting its footing.  We're finally going to have some real traction.  Why would you give up on it now?" There was a note of desperation in his voice that would have been humiliating if he hadn't been so worried.

 

"Pied Piper?  What?" Erlich looked genuinely confused and that was soothing to Richard for a moment.  So it wasn't about the company.  Good.  That was a relief.  But that just made the next words all the more baffling.  "Not Pied Piper, Richard.  I'm talking about us!" Erlich made a gesture of his hand to indicate himself and Richard as the 'us' in this hypothetical scenario.  "This whole tension thing we have.  It's not good for either of us."

 

"Tension? What... what tension thing?  T-there's tension?"  Richard's brow furrowed as he struggled to follow Erlich's inexplicable train of thought.

 

"So."  Erlich raised his hands, fingers steepled in front of him, full on formal mode.  "Richard.  I think we should fuck."

 

It was so far out of the realm of what Richard had thought this conversation could possibly be about that the words didn't even register at first. Richard's face started to redden, his eyes going wide as he continued to stare at Erlich, mouth falling open on words that weren't coming out, leaving him standing there and sputtering.  "I... what?!"

 

"Yes.  I realize this is ludicrous.  Honestly, Richard, I'm way out of your league." Erlich drew himself up straight, arms crossed in front of his chest.  "But I'm not a prude.  At least not where business is concerned.  I'm willing to take one for the team."

 

"Take one for the- oh for..." Richard waved his hands in frantic dismissal.  "No.  No no.  This is not a discussion we're having.  I don't know why you got this idea into your head but there's no tension.  A-and we're definitely not fucking!  We're not even gay for god's sake!"

 

Erlich just gave him a long look at that, brow raised and the corner of his mouth pulling with a hint of an amused smile.  He was far too smug.  "Are you sure about that?"

 

"I... yes. I like women!  And I know you do too!  You slept with that guy's wife!  Wives...I guess."  And more than once, apparently.  Richard could never figure out how Erlich managed to succeed so often with women, but however he did it... well he obviously enjoyed sleeping with women.

 

"Don't be small-minded, Richard.  Yes, I have had the good fortune and amazing looks and sheer charisma to fuck many beautiful women, but my tastes are both broad and discerning.  Also I own a percentage in Grindr, which as you may - well... probably - know is an app for men to find other men to have sex with..."

 

Richard's face was so red he was surprised he wasn't passing out on the spot. "I know what Grindr is, Erlich!"

 

"As I suspected.  Well, my Grindr profile is quite popular.  Gay men find me very attractive."

 

"O-oh. Okay." This was going nowhere and Richard definitely didn't want to hear more about Erlich and his popularity with gay men.  "Well maybe they do.  But I don't.  Also I'm not gay.  So this entire thing... conversation... is over.  Because we're not fucking.  And there's no tension thing going on between us.  And I'm going inside now."

 

Erlich was still giving him that look, a sort of placating, almost pitying expression.  His shoulders rose in an almost-shrug.  "Okay, Richard.  If you change your mind, you know where to find me." He paused, then continued, just in case Richard didn't know.  "I'll be in my room."  Another pause.  "I already have condoms."

 

The noise that escaped Richard's throat was akin to the high-pitched squeal of air being released from the mouth of a balloon.  He turned on his heel without another actual word, marching toward the house and never looking back to see Erlich's reaction.

 

As he entered, Jared rushed quickly over to greet him.  "Richard? Are you okay?"

 

"I'm not tense!" he snapped back sharply before taking a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself and drive any unpleasant thoughts of Erlich and sex and Grindr and gay sex with Erlich out of his mind.  "I'm.  I'm fine, Jared.  Just..." He passed by Jared on his way to his chair, picking up his laptop and setting it on his lap as he sank down to take a seat.  "I just had a weird conversation."

 

"With Erlich?" Jared prompted, soft but fussy. Worried.  "Your secret meeting.  How did it go?"

 

Richard let out a breathless laugh.  "He propositioned me."

 

All the typing suddenly stopped.  The silence was abrupt and deafening.  Richard raised his head to look across the room at Dinesh and Gilfoyle.  They were both staring at him with no pretense of not eavesdropping on his conversation.  There was a long few seconds of everyone just staring before Gilfoyle said.  "It's about damn time."

 

"What?" Richard wasn't following.

 

Gilfoyle didn't seem concerned with Richard's question, instead focused on Dinesh.  "You owe me."

 

"No." Dinesh stared at him, then at Richard.  "No.  Wait a moment.  You didn't say yes, right Richard?"  He didn't need to get an actual verbal response, Richard's expression was enough.  He turned back to Gilfoyle.  "He didn't say yes!"

 

"Were you guys... betting on this?" Richard wasn't sure if the thought was better or worse than Erlich's out of the blue proposal that they fuck.  "How did you even know?!"

 

Both of them gave him long stares.  

 

"You're kidding right?" Dinesh leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms.  "Whenever the two of you argue, it's like... they'd get along better if they were actually fucking."

 

"Every time you argue we're just waiting for you to drop to your knees and start sucking Erlich's dick." Gilfoyle was even more blunt than Dinesh.  "It's annoying."

 

"Super annoying."

 

Richard turned to look at Jared, brows furrowed in frustration.  "Can they even do that?"

 

Jared assumed his most reasonable tone.  "Richard is right, guys.  This sort of conversation about Richard and Erlich's sex life is not conductive to a comfortable workplace.  As of right now, this conversation is over."

 

"I disagree." Gilfoyle reached up, pushing his glasses back up his nose.  "I think Richard and Erlich's sexual tension is creating a hostile work environment.  They should just fuck and it'll solve both our problems.  Plus Dinesh will owe me twenty dollars."

 

Richard stared at him, cheeks red.  When he looked at Jared he could see a similar helplessness.  At last he cleared his throat.  "Okay. Um.  I'm just gonna go work.  In my room.  And we're not going to talk about any of this stuff because it's not going to happen."

 

"Don't get yourself worked up, Richard..." Jared implored.

 

"I'm not tense!" Richard tucked his laptop under his arm, pulling his noise cancelling headphones back on as he stormed off to his room and slammed the door shut.

-

 


End file.
